Paraprosdokian sentences
A paraprosdokian (from Greek "παρα", meaning "beyond" and
"προσδοκία", meaning "expectation") is a figure of speech in which
the latter part of a sentence or phrase is surprising or unexpected
in a way that causes the reader or listener to reframe or
reinterpret the first part. It is frequently used for humorous or
dramatic effect, sometimes producing an anticlimax. For this
reason, it is extremely popular among comedians and satirists.
Some paraprosdokians not only change the meaning of an early phrase,
but also play on the double meaning of a particular word, creating a syllepsis.
I was going to ask God for a bike, but I know God doesn't work that way.
So I stole a bike and asked for forgiveness.
Paraphraseology
Life is ugly, short, and brutish, and so are feminists.
November 9, 2024 I bought a fruitcake and the policeman arrested me for possession of stollen property.
Jan 20, 2024
Who won the cooks’ race?
The guy with a lot of catchup.
Dec 15, 2023
The Incredible Carnac telepathically reads the question inside the envelope and answers it for the audience.
“A big deal”
Opening the envelope, he reads the question a member of the audience posed to him: “What do you call a handful of 15 cards?”
Edward Prince of Wales was knighted in 1306 along with 300 other men. Prince Edward selected fifty of the smartest knights to attend Oxford University, founded in 1096 and of great prestige. He awarded them titles of Counts for their wisdom. In the following years of his reign, whenever King Edward had a difficult decision to make, he invariably consulted them for he knew, “It’s the Counts that Thought.”
October 14, 2023
October 10, 2023
The Incredible Carnac reads the note inside telepathically:
Then answers the question before opening the hermetically sealed envelope:
“Anyone who disagrees with me.”
Tearing open the end of the envelope, blowing it open and removing the note inside, he reads the question from his fan:
“Whose opinion is worthless?”
October 9, 2023
The Incredible Carnac reads the note inside telepathically:
The answer is “DuplicitUS”
Tearing open the end of the envelope, blowing it open and removing the note inside, he reads the question from his fan:
“I have created a new copier machine, made in America. What should I call my new company?”
October 4, 2023
September 27, 2023
I did not want my boss to know who reported him so I made an anomalous complaint.
(a·nom·a·lous
/əˈnämələs/
August 4, 2023
July 21, 2023 Hurley was a 220-pound weightlifter who was always angry because he had never won a weightlifting competition. Determined to win, he transgendered and changed his name to Shirley.
Surly Shirley was surely burly.
June 23, 2023
June 20, 2023
June 9, 2023
May 5, 2023
She always had a chip on her shoulder, so Shirley was surely surly.
April 21, 2023
Former vice president Al Gore can’t dance. He has no Al Gore rhythm.
Sept 6, 2023 Gore can’t do math. He has no algorithm either.
April 5
March 26, 2023
If you put three egg yolks in one skillet and three egg whites in another, you can’t make good scrambled eggs because they’re unequally yolked.
March 23, 2023
Today’s Wordle was “STAID”
Harry was unadventurous and boring. He just staid at home all the time.
March 12, 2023
Shirley was born to commoners in Olde England, but she dreamed of great things. So Shirley went to a training camp for knights and worked nights to pay the fees. After six months of hard work, she returned home and told her beloved parents that she was a full-fledged knight, by authority of the King.
Her shocked mother replied, “Shirley you joust!”
March 11, 2023
Two trainers at Sea World had their porpoises swimming quick laps back and forth across the pool, one north and south, and the other east and west.
They were at cross-porpoises.
Feb 14, 2023
Ralph shreds cheddar cheese at El Monterey Mexican Foods for enchiladas and burritos. When the boss passes him by on daily rounds, he asks, “How’s it going, Ralph?”
Ralph’s answer is always the same: “Just grate.”
Atheists claim that no fish could have swallowed Jonah as written in the Bible. But these things happen once in a whale.
Feb 6, 2023
Feb 5, 2023
The Lone Ranger must have lived in Canada. They named their biggest city after Lone Ranger’s sidekick, Toronto. He spoke Esperanto and loved cilantro.
Feb 2, 2023
Composers of their era agreed to sit for a painting to be hung in the
aHerzog Anton Ulrich Museum.
The famous painter of Blue Boy, Thomas Gainsborough, was preparing to start and he looked at the subjects of his work and said, “Wolfgang and Ludwig are here but where is Franz?”
Mozart answered, “He’s not on our list.”
Thomas: “I beg your pardon, I meant Franz Joseph”?
Luldwig replied, “Franz Joseph is hidin’.
“Well then what about Johann Sebastian?”
Wolfgang: “He said he’ll be right back.
Oh and George Frideric couldn’t handle the wait.”
“HAVING A GREAT TIME.
YOU’LL SEE!”
Jan 15, 2023
Dec 28
Haystack in the needle
Dec 22
One hot summer in Iowa, temperatures reached 100 degrees and hogs were dying because they can’t sweat. The farmers brought the hogs into the barn and turned the fan on to cool them. Of course hogs eat constantly and as a result, are pooping all over the floor constantly. So when the farmer and his helper were doing work inside the barn they heard a loud crash and a “splat.”
The helper said, “What was that?” Farmer replied, “That was the fan hitting the shit.”
If hyperbole is overstatement, then surely hypobole is understatement.
He was very humble, given to hypobole.
Dec 16, 2022
Vladimir Horowitz was preparing for a concert in the Metropolitan Opera and he called the most famous piano tuner in New York to come to his apartment. Horowitz was shocked to see how old and frail the tuner was but let him in to do his magic. “I’m having more trouble hearing now,” said the tuner. After many hours of work, he got up and called in Horowitz to sit down and test his work. After a few notes, Horowitz said, “This is awful! I thought you said it was finely tuned!”
“No,” said the old man. I told you it is FINALLY tuned.”
Dec 8
His metaphors were always like close proxsimilies.
Dec 7
He couldn’t find it. The phlebotomist searched for a blood vessel in vain.
Dec 5
Dave’s girlfriend walked in from the foggy evening rather wet, and he greeted her: “Dewed!”
Offended by his remark, Suzanne shot back, “Who are you calling ‘dude,’ I’m not a ‘dude’!”
Dave replied, I didn’t call you ‘dude,’ I called you ‘dewed’.”
Nov 27, 2022
Jose, a new man was hired for the road crew doing repairs on I-5 in central California. After work, the crew would have a beer together at Sam’s bar.
At quitting time, Joe asked, “Do you know the way to Sam’s, Jose?”
November 22, 2022
Johann Sebastian Bach’s father wanted him to be a banker, but instead he decided to go for baroque.
November 5, 2022 When my daughters were young, they liked to tear things up. They were tearers.
October 1, 2022
At the 9 AM memorial service, the mortuary director greeted friends and family of the dearly departed: “Good mourning!”
July 26, 2022
Feb 25, 2022
I said “Get a plumber,” you idiot!
November 7, 2020
I had a terrific brainstorm in Fairbanks, Alaska last week but lost it somehow. Now I'm back home in California and it's well thawed out.
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